I woke up with an excitement to a day full of promise. I had a blind date after work, The Daily Mail were due to feature one of my articles, and the guy I worked for part time in publishing was going to let me know whether he’d give me pay rise.
I wore my favourite suit, cream suede high heels but left the house without my keys. It started to rain, so I stood under a doorway waiting for my cousin to turn up with a spare set because it wasn’t just the keys I’d forgotten but my travel card. My hair was soaked, so I grabbed an umbrella and ran for the train. When I opened my shoulder bag, the cherry yoghurt pot had exploded so I spent the journey cleaning out the bag, and arrived at my destination covered in sticky goo.
To cheer myself up, I decided I’d have a caramel macciatto. I was already late but thought what was another five minutes?
A man in front of me was ordering at constipated snail pace, as though he was dragging each word up from his bowels‘- and – a skinny latte – decaff – low fat caramel – extra cream – and..’he searched the board looking for what else to add. By the time he’d decided on chocolate sprinkles, I wanted to kick him up the butt. I was still thinking about him when I got on the bus and leaned over to pick up a Metro someone had left behind.
The top of my coffee carton flipped off, at the precise moment the bus jolted, splurting the coffee into the lap of the woman opposite. Everyone’s shoes were splattered in froth. All I could do was apologise and offer to pay everyone’s dry cleaning bills.
‘My day seems to have got off on the wrong foot’ I said
‘Should be more careful’ the woman with coffee in her lap snapped.
‘Could at least have aimed it where it would do no damage’ the man next to me said.
‘I’m really, really sorry’ I babbled.
Everyone had their legs in the air because the coffee was running down the middle of the bus. I got off feeling like a leper – And left my mushroom quiche and umbrella on the seat.
‘What a morning it’s been’ I said to my boss gesturing to my ruined outfit.
‘And unfortunately I’ve got bad news’ he said
‘I’m not getting a pay rise?’
‘I have to let you go’
I felt a mess and looked it, I’d lost my job and the idea of going on a blind date didn’t thrill, but he was apparently good looking, and had a great sense of humour so I decided to go ahead to cheer myself up. Then Sue (the woman who set up the date) called.
‘He decided you’re too old’
I bought a copy of the Mail hoping that would lighten my mood. The headline was ’67 year old Tantra love guru recommends love potions for great sex’ I should have known they’d twist my words and make me look like an idiot!
I threw the paper in a bin, headed for the nearest pub and ordered a double whisky.
‘You look like you’ve been fighting in the wars, love’ the barman smiled.
‘Don’t ask! I said downing my drink in one.
Jaylen Grace also writes under her real name for adult content books. She is the author of lovemaking manual Three Faces of Sex www.stellaralfini.com and can be found on Facebook and Twitter @stellaralfini.