Porridge

Jaylen Grace was shortlisted for Greenhouse Funny Writer 2012 award for this book and made the judges laugh out loud.

Porridge_Ebook_Cover

PORRIDGE – THE TWO FACED PARROT

Book out  October, 2013, Get a copy now!

Alfie’s day takes a nosedive when Porridge turns up and lands him with a zillion problems.

‘Zillion and one,’ Porridge squawks.

 

When Alfie’s Mum bribes him to help his Nan get tea ready for a visitor, it’s bad enough that this visitor is his headmistress Mrs. McDoodle.  What makes it worse is that Alfie’s Nan has talked Mrs. McDoodle into having a kids’ talent show, which Alfie wants no part of.

 

Unfortunately, his Nan has forgotten to wear her hearing aid and has no idea that Porridge, the parrot she rescued, is a master imitator and entertains himself talking in Alfie’s Nan’s voice.  Unfortunately for everybody this handsome grey parrot looks like bird-seed would not crack in his beak, but this smart bird soon reveals a wicked streak when he arrives at Pinkston St.

 

When Porridge tells Mrs. McDoodle she’s “got a bum like an elephant” and carries on insulting her, Mrs McDoodle  becomes irate and in the muddle that follows, Alfie finds himself promising to break dance at the talent show… What a nightmare! Alfie CAN’T  even dance!

 

Sure enough, Alfie’s Nan gets so fed up with Porridge’s misbehaving, that she gives him to Alfie.  From that day on, his life becomes a roller-coaster of comic horrors – comic for us readers, but increasing horror for poor Alfie!

 

Alfie’s classmate, Smidger, turns up outside his home sparring for a fight, only to be told to “Push off”, by who he thinks is Alfie.  When Porridge the Two-Faced Parrot follows up with “You stink worse than cow’s poo!”, Alfie is forced to face his enemy. When the boys both end up with black eyes this sets Miss Tadpole, their teacher, on the warpath. Alfie’s in trouble with his Mum for telling lies and Smidger is not prepared to let matters rest…

 

No surprise that the talent show rehearsals, Alfie freezes on stage and fakes illness to to get out of performing, only to then find Smidger and his brother waiting for him outside. When an ugly fight breaks out, two of Alfie’s friends who are with them end up hurt.

 

Just when it seems that things cannot get any worse, Mrs. McDoodle blames Alfie and he gets more grief from everyone.  To add to his woes, our suffering hero comes down with a violent tummy bug.

As the big day looms. Alfie is faced with some big dilemmas:

IF he finds the COURAGE, will he be well enough to perform?

IF he goes on stage, will he FREEZE again?

SHOULD he risk taking Porridge to perform a double act?

AND… not least, will his black eye still be the colour of puke?

 

 

Porridge: The Introductory Paragraph.

Alfie is an ordinary, caring and considerate boy, well liked at school and who rarely gets into trouble with his mum or teachers.   He never dreams of getting into fights and would rather the ground swallow him up than dance in public!  So how can the arrival of a Parrot with a silly name, but a peculiar talent turn his normal world upside down over-night?

 

In no time Alfie doesn’t know what to do…

Alfie doesn’t know what to do. He’s got a black, eye, Miss Tadpole, his teacher is on the warpath and he’s in trouble with his Mum for telling lies. To make matters worse, he’s somehow agreed to breakdance in a talent show at school, but Alfie CAN’T dance.

As the big day looms, will Alfie find the courage to perform on stage? Will his black eye go down or will it still be the colour of puke? And more to the point, what havoc will Porridge wreak this time?

Shortlisted for the Greenhouse Funny Writer Award 2012, Porridge the Two Faced Parrot is a hilarious roller coaster ride through confusion, disaster and just plain silliness.

AVAILABLE NOW AT AMAZON

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