Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like a failure

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like a failure

Did you know that a recent study revealed that on average parents criticise their children 8 times for every one time they were praised? Did you know that research has shown that by the age of 14, 93% of children have a negative self-image because of their parent’s anxiety they won’t do well in life? No wonder so many adults prefer to live life half-asleep when they’ve been made to feel such failures as children!


In my work, I deal with loads of adults who have a negative self-image. They really believe that they are nothing special and say things like ‘Who am I to be brilliant, talented and successful’.  My reply is, ‘WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE? You are a child of the universe. Get back in touch with your power. Playing small doesn’t help you or anyone’.

 The thing that holds most people back is their fear of failure but I believe that feeling we’re a failure or success is a matter of whether our attitude is negative or positive. Many things have turned prickly in my life but I’ve got so used to sucking lemons, any bitterness is soon swallowed as I dust myself off to face my next learning curve.

I also find strength from men like Thomas Edison – the man who invented the electric light bulb. After his 700th unsuccessful attempt to invent it he was asked by a journalist of the New York Times – so how does it feel to have failed 700 times? Edison replied ‘I haven’t failed once. I have succeeding in finding 700 ways that don’t work and when I’ve picked out the remaining ways that aren’t right, I’ll eventually arrive at the winning one’.

Now there was a man who certainly was not half asleep…

 I know that when you feel stuck, the thought of trying something for the twentieth time is far from easy – However, you could hit the jackpot with just that one more  push so don’t waste too much time pondering on whether to go ahead. As Henry Ford said ‘You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do. You’ve got to fantasize, rehearse and go out into the world and DO IT’.

 It is a fact we can get the mind to believe Health-Quotes-10images (1)anything to either spur us on or stab us in the back. The famous psychologist Abraham Maslow, told this story about how our belief systems can literally kill us off. A client believed he was dead. He’d had a heart attack and survived but couldn’t accept his survival as the truth. The psychologist tried everything to convince him but nothing worked so one day he said to the client. ‘Tell me something, do you believe corpses bleed?’ 

‘Of course not!’ huffed the client, ‘when someone dies all their organs stop functioning so blood can no longer be pumped through the system’

‘Ok,’ said the psychologist, ‘I’ll prick your thumb with this needle and we’ll see what happens.’  He pricked the thumb. Blood spurted out.

‘My God’, gasped the client. ’Who would have believed it. Corpses bleed after all!

Funny story but it illustrates the power our minds can have over us.

So back to our goals and whether we’re living life fully awake or half asleep.  I truly believe the world is our oyster and our common mistake as human beings is wanting to see our goals take flight overnight. And talking about flight, here’s a story about a man who decided some years ago that he was going to eat an aeroplane. He cut the aeroplane into bits and ate some every day. It took him twenty months but he succeeded in proving it could be done (some folk have weird goals lol…)

 But what if you choose a goal and four years later you’ve only moved two squares? Well, in his best selling business book ‘Who Moved My Cheese’ (totally recommend it), Spencer Johnson points out this difference between rats and humans… When rats discover something they’re doing isn’t working, they try something new and don’t give up.  When we humans find something isn’t working, we look for someone to blame.

 So – let’s put on our rubber gloves and working boots and even if we have to build our dream brick by brick, let’s not give up until we see the reality of our efforts smiling back…To live life fully awake is a matter of training the mind to believe it has winner potential so let’s choose a winner’s attitude every day.

 Jaylen Grace is the author of Omtopia (The 7 steps to enlightenment), Omzak the Space Cat Warrior and award winning Porridge The Two Faced Parrot.

www.  @jaylengrace   @omzakcatwarrior



Reaching the Number One slot for Three Faces of Sex on Amazon this week was another fulfilling moment in my life – firstly for me as the unknown horse in the race who charged past the favourites to cross the winning line – and secondly for every other unknown out there who seeks proof that when unshakable self belief is applied to practical nut-and-bolt thinking and steps, everything in God’s world is achievable.

You’ll know if you followed my series of Self Publishing blogs.  that I promised to show you how you could make money self publishing. You will also know about my earlier claim to fame for a book I wrote which is currently selling for $350 on the internet!   The irony of that story is that I didn’t make a penny – but today I’m ready to share with you the components that comprised my CONSCIOUS journey to the No. 1 slot on Amazon and to tell you how to keep the momentum going when new horses start galloping past to claim your throne.

As a long standing international life coach who has spent the past 30 years helping others realise their dreams, the first thing I want to say to YOU is that you can do anything you set your mind to. The reason why some never see their dreams become reality is because their goals are too fuzzy, so let’s blow fuzziness out the back door and make our priority CLEAR GOAL VISUALISATION.   In this case, we’ll apply the principles I used for Three Faces of Sex so that more of you unknown authors can bask in the glow of reaching No.1 position in the charts.

If this blog was about how to find a soul-mate/life partner, I could offer you techniques that have often been known to take root within a miraculously short time.  However, getting a book into the top three requires at least a year’s prep work.  Rather than going through it step by step and wasting paper space, please read at least a couple of my self-publishing blogs and we’ll move on from there.

So, assuming you have a great website that attracts regular visitors, have spent time building up your following on Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin, have written regular blogs so that you’re not a complete unknown to the world, let’s fast forward to six weeks before publication of your ebook when:  Your book cover has been designed, the blurb for back cover sorted and you’re ready to hand your work to a publisher who can also help you with the marketing side of things.

Since for Three Faces of Sex, I wanted to showcase the most inexpensive way of gaining global recognision for your work so that even those with limited funds could join the race, I chose Publish Nation as my publisher. Their editor proof read and formatted book to best effect for £95. The cost of publishing ebook was £95 and the marketing deal for free Kindle download weekend on Amazon was £95.

Whilst this was bubbling in the background, [Read more…]

How NOT to allow the mind to steal your contentment

How NOT to allow the mind to steal your contentment

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Some are blessed with feeling contentment without striving for it.  The rest of us usually live through a choppy sea of experience before we get to the point of making contentment a priority in our lives. This usually comes about after we’ve realised that striving to reach the top of our profession, being able to shop in top designer stores or holidaying in Barbados, hasn’t delivered the inner happiness we yearned.

Somewhere in our minds we’d made ourselves believe that material wealth and possessions would provide the key to unlock the door to contentment and of course they can – when the mind is in the right space. A contented person is one who knows how to roll with the waves and never loses sight of finding a blessing in all – Even when the shifting shape of life takes us from living in a mansion to a hut. However, this can only come about when we have dropped the need to ‘impress’ and feel at home with whatever challenges life throws our way.

The only way this can come about is by exploring the core of contentment.  Step one is to love ourselves. Step two is to work on our relationships with others.  Once we have mastered these two requirements, contentment has a collective beauty which brings many things to life. BUT, to feel at peace with whatever life throws at us, we have to oust the ego that sits in judgement of our thoughts and tells us we will only feel contented –

WHEN this or that happens or changes.

There is no when.  There is only now.  Contentment is a moment to moment river of wanting harmony more than anything else.  When nurtured well, this flows into the sea taking discontent with it.       Forever.

Start by looking around at the people you know and drop whatever judgements you have because contentment can never be yours whilst you are picking holes in others or your life situation. Release all judgement from your thoughts. Allow life to change shape without clinging when it’s time to move on.

Allow others to be who they are.

Learn to listen without judging and to talk without judgement in your voice.

Life is a game and good games have no leaders. With the leader gone there is no conflict because …there is nothing to prove.

With nothing to prove contentment moves into our hearts, and we are no longer slaves to the mind’s demands.

Jaylen Grace is the author of Omtopia (The seven steps to enlightenment)