Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like a failure

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like a failure

Did you know that a recent study revealed that on average parents criticise their children 8 times for every one time they were praised? Did you know that research has shown that by the age of 14, 93% of children have a negative self-image because of their parent’s anxiety they won’t do well in life? No wonder so many adults prefer to live life half-asleep when they’ve been made to feel such failures as children!

 

In my work, I deal with loads of adults who have a negative self-image. They really believe that they are nothing special and say things like ‘Who am I to be brilliant, talented and successful’.  My reply is, ‘WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE? You are a child of the universe. Get back in touch with your power. Playing small doesn’t help you or anyone’.

 The thing that holds most people back is their fear of failure but I believe that feeling we’re a failure or success is a matter of whether our attitude is negative or positive. Many things have turned prickly in my life but I’ve got so used to sucking lemons, any bitterness is soon swallowed as I dust myself off to face my next learning curve.

I also find strength from men like Thomas Edison – the man who invented the electric light bulb. After his 700th unsuccessful attempt to invent it he was asked by a journalist of the New York Times – so how does it feel to have failed 700 times? Edison replied ‘I haven’t failed once. I have succeeding in finding 700 ways that don’t work and when I’ve picked out the remaining ways that aren’t right, I’ll eventually arrive at the winning one’.

Now there was a man who certainly was not half asleep…

 I know that when you feel stuck, the thought of trying something for the twentieth time is far from easy – However, you could hit the jackpot with just that one more  push so don’t waste too much time pondering on whether to go ahead. As Henry Ford said ‘You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do. You’ve got to fantasize, rehearse and go out into the world and DO IT’.

 It is a fact we can get the mind to believe Health-Quotes-10images (1)anything to either spur us on or stab us in the back. The famous psychologist Abraham Maslow, told this story about how our belief systems can literally kill us off. A client believed he was dead. He’d had a heart attack and survived but couldn’t accept his survival as the truth. The psychologist tried everything to convince him but nothing worked so one day he said to the client. ‘Tell me something, do you believe corpses bleed?’ 

‘Of course not!’ huffed the client, ‘when someone dies all their organs stop functioning so blood can no longer be pumped through the system’

‘Ok,’ said the psychologist, ‘I’ll prick your thumb with this needle and we’ll see what happens.’  He pricked the thumb. Blood spurted out.

‘My God’, gasped the client. ’Who would have believed it. Corpses bleed after all!

Funny story but it illustrates the power our minds can have over us.

So back to our goals and whether we’re living life fully awake or half asleep.  I truly believe the world is our oyster and our common mistake as human beings is wanting to see our goals take flight overnight. And talking about flight, here’s a story about a man who decided some years ago that he was going to eat an aeroplane. He cut the aeroplane into bits and ate some every day. It took him twenty months but he succeeded in proving it could be done (some folk have weird goals lol…)

 But what if you choose a goal and four years later you’ve only moved two squares? Well, in his best selling business book ‘Who Moved My Cheese’ (totally recommend it), Spencer Johnson points out this difference between rats and humans… When rats discover something they’re doing isn’t working, they try something new and don’t give up.  When we humans find something isn’t working, we look for someone to blame.

 So – let’s put on our rubber gloves and working boots and even if we have to build our dream brick by brick, let’s not give up until we see the reality of our efforts smiling back…To live life fully awake is a matter of training the mind to believe it has winner potential so let’s choose a winner’s attitude every day.

 Jaylen Grace is the author of Omtopia (The 7 steps to enlightenment), Omzak the Space Cat Warrior and award winning Porridge The Two Faced Parrot.

www. jaylengrace.com  @jaylengrace   @omzakcatwarrior

Taking self pity out of the picture, from Omtopia – The Seven Steps to Enlightenment

Taking self pity out of the picture, from Omtopia – The Seven Steps to Enlightenment

Jaylen Grace If we go on feeling we were never loved enough and allow self pity to rule us, all we achieve is to fuel low esteem. To remedy this all we need to do is take self-pity out of the picture.

 

Visualise this with me – imagine reaching inside yourself, taking out your emotions and putting them in a heap.  You are now detached from the feelings that hurt and are able to state circumstance as fact. Think about what was holding you back – did you feel your mother didn’t love you enough? Was it a partner who hurt you? Record this sentence in your subconscious as you say it out loud.

 

‘I felt I wasn’t loved enough but that’s the way it was and from now on I accept this fact.’

Let go of the insistence in your mind that the day will come when your mother or father will realise what a marvellous son or daughter you were. Put a line through it.  If parents couldn’t see your worth, it’s their loss and not worth agonising over. If your partner couldn’t see your worth, it’s their loss. Move on. If you respect yourself, someone better will come along.

When we accept that our mother, father or lover, didn’t live up to our expectations and can embrace this fact, criticism disappears. More importantly, we can throw down the crutches that bound us to the past and move into a space where we ‘judge’ nothing.

We accept that we are ‘perfectly imperfect’ and so is everyone else.  We accept that our flaws equal the flaws we see in others and no longer need to defend them. We are what we are, they are what they are and there is no one to blame.

 

Can you feel the inner peace that comes with this understanding?

This is an excerpt from Omtopia (The seven steps to enlightenment) by Jaylen Grace.

www.jaylengrace.com/omtopia

I’VE BECOME A RAT

I’VE BECOME A RAT

I am a rat! Since I joined the rank of rats, I’m much more relaxed.

It came about after reading a book called ‘Who Stole My Cheese’ by Spencer Johnson.  He pointed out the difference between rats and humans was that when rats discovered something wasn’t working they tried something else and didn’t give up.  When humans found something wasn’t working, they looked for something or someone to blame.

 

Numerous times in my human condition I rammed myself at a wall, determined to break it down if it killed me.  These days I take a softer approach. If I’m passionate about something I don’t give up but I don’t make myself ill over it.  I think about the man who decided to eat an aeroplane to prove it could be done and chopped it into bits until he’d achieved it.

 

I no longer feel I’ve failed because I haven’t found the key to fit the lock.  I think of Thomas Edison.  After his 700th attempt to create the electric light bulb, he was approached by a journalist of the New York Times.

‘So how does it feel to have failed so many times?’ he was asked.

Eddison replied ‘I haven’t failed once. I’ve just proved those 700 ways don’t work.’

 

Now, when I find myself writing the same chapter umpteen times (and throwing it in the trash), I tell myself each attempt is bringing me closer to the final version.

I’ve stopped banging my head against the wall in desperation. I’ve stopped blaming myself when I can’t get a handle on something. I’ve stopped blaming others when things go awry.  As a rat, I get on with life without analysing the ‘becauses’.  This I was helped with by my teacher in India.  When I asked him why something I’d strived for so hard had crumbled to dust, he said ‘Because’.

‘Because of what?’ I asked.

‘Who knows,’ he said. ‘Don’t waste your life dwelling on it.’

So I took his advice.  I know I can’t win them all but walls no longer thwart me.

Rats always find a way round without stressing out when they can’t get through – and with practice, I’m beginning to get the hang of it.

Jaylen Grace is the author of Omtopia (The seven steps to enlightenment), Omzak The Space Cat Warrior and Porridge The Two Faced Parrot.

Omzak get’s book of the week on Friday Night Books by Jeff Botch

Omzak get’s book of the week on Friday Night Books by Jeff Botch

Author and children’s literature advocate Jeff Botch very kindly featured Omzak as Book of the Week in his Friday Night Books series.

Jeff has also this week interviewed Jaylen discussing Jaylen’s favourite children’s authors and influences, the positive messages in humerous children’s book Omzak which is great for children at times when they are making new friends or going through times of change, read the full interview here.

Jeff himself is a children’s book writer and like Jaylen has a passion for assisting in the development of children.

Children's Author Jeff Botch